Problems

Problems


Absolutely Not
Not a careen but a gradual gradient
Sloping, some y=mx+b
Finding "m"
Trying to make it zero
Attempting a confusing piece of math
That is out of reach
That I will never understand
Or conceptualize, puzzle out, simply know
The fact, core idea, absolute and honest
Failing at figuring a googolplex
How to construct a telescope
Or the behavior patterns of the Amazonian Capuchin

I am an Amazonian Capuchin
Family-oriented, quick, smart, adept at adapting
But still a monkey
Not an evolved form
(No offense meant to Capuchins and Capuchin enthusiasts)
A cute monster
In the way very unassuming,
Immature and childish things
Are cute

Forcing a balance between when to explode
And when to implode
If I can do both at once
Perhaps they will cancel out
And nothing will happen
I hope for nothing
I hope for no thing
I hope for no happening

I don't pray because
(Once again, no offense)
No one is listening

Besides a soon-to-be-swatted fly
My own mind
And the government

I try not to entreat, beg, grovel
To the invisible
To loose atoms
The universe is composed chiefly
Of nothing
Of no thing

I am far more dense
Than the little moving bits of fluff
Of no consequence
Of ignored and disregarded invisible
Not intangible, but invisible
Not insubstantial. Invisible.
Not shimmery, corner-of-eye maybe
Fucking invisible

Back to math please
Back to simple
Back to blue ribbon, honor roll, first chair
Easy and overachieving and weightless
Back to what I wanted it to be
Forever
But it is not, and won't be
And someday
I hope to be okay with that

I am An Amazonian Capuchin