Rhubarb and Honeysuckle

Rhubarb and Honeysuckle


Every word waterfalls and crashes
Sprinkling little letters littering shores
Wading out to grab them I begin
Begin to form new words
Different than the old ones I threw
So eloquently down and splash and cold
Words that explain it all
That verbosely interpret how I feel
What I’m thinking
How it really is
But should have been
And wasn’t

I bring the words to your house
The mailbox stands there, red and tilted
I walk up and notice the flag is up
I knew it would be
But I had to try

With shuddering fingers I open it
Inside is a folded scrap of paper
I pick it up, gnashing my tongue with yellow teeth
Trembling breath and knocking knees
Things a body does
It doesn’t want to do

Three words bellow up at me
Even though they are written
In small, untidy and unassuming scrawl

“It’s too late”

I sob and almost release my words
Back into obscurity and loss
But no
No I will not let go again
I fix my face and my flaw
I run up to the door
I know you are home
My legs quicksand because my brain
It says no
It says it won’t help
It won’t do anything
It says so many things full of no and not

My heart is a tiny prickling voice
That I have to strain everything to hear
It pipes up one single word

“Try”

So I do
I knock, and you check the peephole
But you open the door anyway
You peer out, not angry, just ready
Ready to answer everything
Like my brain is, with no
And you should
And it is and it isn’t otherwise
But my heart is now yelling as I bring my eyes to yours

Up to placid blue, light sky after lunch
Or before dusk
That curled strawberry mouth
Dripping with the best dreams I have ever had
Dark hair climbing down
Then up into my ears
To muffle all but these words
These words I am about to say
I take a short breath
My lungs have all but collapsed
I pull in as much as I can
And say

“I know you fear and so do I
I am afraid
I am here and nowhere
I am within me and it is good
It has been too long and not long enough
Peace comes by inches
Propelled by love and hope
For ourselves
For each other
It is silly
It is so very very silly

But it’s time to let go of fear sweetheart
It seems ridiculous
But most of the things worth doing are
Hey beautiful
Let’s get ridiculous
Just you and me”

And then you breathe in deeply

And then you………